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shame

A Second Chance to Make a First Impression

After going a month without a group meeting, Erica convinced me to venture out to the general trans support group that took place on the U of M campus. This was different than Cecelia’s small meeting; it wasn’t therapist-run, and it was a mixed meeting — not just MtF, but also FtM and anyone in […]

Ali Unvarnished

The other night, I posted this to my Twitter account: Under a table tightening bolts. No wig or makeup, which is why you can see lip stubble … pic.twitter.com/zqcX5Zo9Dd — Alison Hudson (@Ariamythe) January 8, 2014 I didn’t think much of it. I don’t think you are supposed to think too much about Twitter posts. That’s […]

The Weight Just Won’t Come Off

I spent a lot of time during my session with Nancy this week moaning about my weight. It just won’t come off. Really, at this point, my gender dysphoria is focused like  laser around my belly fat. I know I don’t pass all that well, but I think I would at least feel a lot better […]

Alison and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

If I’d know how today was going to go, I never would have gotten out of bed. Actually, the morning started off just fine. I got up, had some breakfast, watched some SUPERNATURAL on Netflix (I’m almost to the end of the fifth season, excited to see what happens), got a Sunday paper, began clipping […]

Overpass

Yesterday I posted what amounted to a positive post concerning my pursuit of therapy and progress forward. Quite literally an hour after I posted that, things went to shit. Again. I was in my office preparing for a class when my wife ex-wife best friend SHE texted me at work to let me know that […]

The Big Reveal

There’s been some positive movement for me. Not in that my ex-wife and I are getting back together — I wish! — but in that I’ve started to let go, and also to accept. It didn’t come easy. As I blogged about earlier, I was in a sort of denial mode this past week. Cold […]

Time Out

My feminine side and I are having a standoffish start to the week. After Saturday’s tragic end, I’ve been mostly rejecting that part of myself. I have become opposed to dressing in women’s clothes. Even the small, day-to-day elements I’d incorporated into my lifestyle — underdressing, mainly — have stopped. My nails are cut back […]

I’ve Been Outed

I am not having a good day. Thanks only to an errant text message I happened to see on my wife’s phone, I have learned that she has outed me to her best friend … and that her best friend has subsequently told her husband. I have lost control of this secret. It’s out of […]

Two-Four-Six-Oh-What?

Who am I? I am not in a good place. The last 48 hours have been filled with so many tears. I have never cried this much. Can I conceal myself for evermore? Pretend I’m not the man I was before? Everything that I thought I was six months ago has been systematically stripped from […]

“They’re Freaky!”

A brief story, happened tonight and I had to share. My wife and I were on the couch, watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Towards the end, my eight-year-old son came out and sat of the couch to see what we were watching. After a minute, he started ducking his head and hiding his eyes. “What’s […]