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Categories: Ali Finds Her Self

I am scattered this week. I can’t focus on writing, or really on anything. This post was supposed to go up yesterday, but I just didn’t get to it.

I am feeling the crush of becoming a statistic. In 2009, the NCTE found that transgender people suffer twice the rate of unemployment as cisgender people. A follow-up study in 2011 confirmed that number and also reported that 41% of transgender people are underemployed (i.e. have a job but it doesn’t pay a living wage).

I had hoped to avoid falling into this category. When I lost my job in June I knew I had six months of safety net before things got bad. In the meantime I have picked up some part-time work and sent out a ton of resumes; but my safety net is basically gone and I have very little to show for it. I did not make enough money last month to cover my mortgage, let alone all my other expenses. This month will be worse, as the last of my reserve cash runs out. I am underemployed and I am struggling to change that fact.

Dozens of resumes have led to three contacts back, two face-to-face interviews, and one (so far) rejection letter. I have a job prospect that I am hopeful for, but I am also nervous as Hell because this is about the best bet I’ve had come up in the past three months. I need a job. Ideally, I need this job, ideally, so that I can maintain my professional credentials and not break an 18-year career employment streak. The silence is deafening, though.

I’ve had to return to my anxiety meds to sleep at night the last few days.

I’m not in a truly awful place … yet. I have some classes lined up for next semester and I’m trying to add more. But this is not going to be a fun Christmas, and I’m only going to hold off the collection calls for so long once all the cash runs out.

Sorry that this is just random bitching. Sometimes I need this blog to just say things out loud. Please, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t bother to comment. It’s my blog, I can cry if I want to. I will return to more valuable content later this week.


Comments

( 0 Comments )

Mark says:

I like that you write about life as it is. It is your challenges and your determination that are most insightful (entertaining sounds a little demeaning), and give us a glimpse of who Alison really is. Keep sharing the things that need to be said.

ariamythe says:

Thanks for the kind words, Mark. Glad you found the blog.

nicci says:

I found your blog, then quickly started from the beginning ready each. Your story fills me with hope and sadness both. I am very much like you but am unwilling to give up so much of my life to simply be me. Wife, child, job, family, friends…all would disappere if I had your courage. I have been on hrt (very low dose-i know its still risky risk and shame on me) for 3 months now. I feel better but always nervous about anyone finding out. I hope life finds a way of rewarding you for your bravery.

ariamythe says:

There’s no shame in holding onto the things you value most. In my case, I didn’t make the choice to let go; I just reached a point where letting go was the only thing I could do. I was fortunate; I’ve since been able to grab back onto much of what I lost. But each person should find the path that works best for them.

Mjit RaindancerStahl says:

the painting you used for this blog entry was on the textbook I had for ENG 236.

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