On November 18, 2013 I took my first dose of hormone replacement therapy. Now it’s one year later and I can hardly believe it’s been so long.
On a day to day basis it is NOT that big of a deal. Except that it is, because I’m 100% certain that I’m thinking better and being a better person because of the changes to my brain chemistry. I’m feeling better about how other people see me thanks to the now-noticeable physical changes occurring. And overall I can’t imagine living without HRT.
The mental changes are absolutely the best part. I am a happier than I used to be. My temper has subsided such that it doesn’t spark the moment I get annoyed … and I get annoyed a lot less than I used to be. Things I used to agonize over now don’t bother me as much; things that used to spark anxiety attacks still make me anxious, but functional. I’m also starting to cultivate a social side that He never had. I’m having coffee with friends and going to places where I can meet new people. I still need to hide in my house and recharge regularly, but not as frequently or as long.
This is not to say that HRT has “cured” my gender dysphoria. GD is, sadly, not merely a physiological product of brain chemistry; it’s very much an issue of psychology. Just as my depression isn’t gone because I’m on an antidepressant, so to does GD remain. But it’s better.
Then there are the physical changes. They’re …. happening. When I started HRT I posted about the dream of the magic pill that cures dysphoria and changes everything. Even going into this with the foresight to know the physical changes wouldn’t amount to a whole lot, that’s still the most disappointing aspect of all this. I knew not to hope for much, but I guess even with my lowered expectations I was hoping for a little more in terms of body development after one year. Damn you, genetics!
On the bright side, my doctor increased my dosage recently (six months too late, but that’s the fault of my former doctor, whom this new one replaced). So maybe a little more will spark in the coming months.
All in all, I have no regrets about the step I took last year, or all the steps that first step opened up for me. HRT is not the solution to every trans person’s GD, but it was absolutely the right thing for me.