Categories: Ali Finds Her Self

Truth: few microsgressions in daily life can kill a trans woman’s mood quicker than a politely offered “sir.”

Honestly, part of me feels silly for even complaining about this. I am aware of how poorly I present, especially when I’m “not trying”. I was just out shopping on a warm day. I had on some denim capris, a button-up shirt over a cami, minimal makeup, slip on shoes, a little jewelry. [See picture below.]  it wasn’t like I was “femming it up.” Still, there were cues to pick up on for someone who cared to.

OUtShoppingSunday was actually pretty fun up to that point. I slept in late for the first time in over a week, then got in a quick morning workout. After that I’d gotten together with my friend Erica and we had wandered around a local shopping plaza; we’d checked out some stores, tried on some shoes, gotten something to eat.There had been moments of proper gendering! And yes, maybe a few sidelong looks, but overall it was a pleasant experience out.

Afterwards I went grocery shopping because it was Sunday and that’s the day I do it. I didn’t change from my shopping trip; I didn’t see the need. I did button up my shirt a bit, just because it was getting a little cooler with the sun going down. Maybe that was my mistake; it covered up any hint of curve. So when the checkout person “sir”ed me, not once, not twice, but three times, maybe it wasn’t unexpected. Maybe the lipstick was too subtle a shade; maybe the earrings weren’t jangly enough; maybe I should have just put on a cocktail dress and heels so I could say “What about this says ‘sir’ to you?!” Maybe.

I suppose I just need to take this as a reminder that I’ve chosen a difficult path, and that I still have a long ways to travel down it. Don’t let it get to me; move on and try again another day. Right?

Always look on the bright side of life … <whistles> …




I’m really sorry 🙁 I wish everything were different,

Kira says:

I am so with you on this especially when it seems deliberate.

I wish I could say for sure it was. She may have just been utterly clueless.

fbcohen10 says:

Even fit he checkout person was clueless, it gets you down when it happens. I am FTM and it’s easier for me in this respect, but being misgendered hurts. It’s hard to bounce back from, but keep your chin-up it gets better 😉

alexforshaw says:

It happens to me with depressing regularity, but then there are compensatory moments like the other day when an older man said “Excuse me, ladies.” to my wife and me as we were deciding which Ben & Jerry’s to pick up, accidentally getting in his way. 🙂

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