December 19, 2013

Finality, Finally


I have been so distracted from blogging lately that I completely forgot to update you all on a major development in my life: as of December 4th, my divorce from my ex is final, legal, and settled. No further court appearances, no more paperwork, no more legal fees. Done, finished, finIto.

I won’t recount the whole story of our divorce. There’s a lot of it buried in past posts, and a lot of it I’ve never told. My marriage was part of the reason I suppressed my feelings for so many years, and the end of my marriage was a factor in my suicide attempt. Even these six months since the papers were filed have been sometimes complicated, tense, and upsetting.  Suffice to say, this is the closing of a major chapter in my life and I couldn’t be happier to have it closed.

Not that those years were all bad. I got three wonderful, beautiful children out of the deal. My children are the center of my life nowadays, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything. If all I got out of those years was my kids, I was worth every second. That I have also maintained a friendly relationship with my ex is just a side benefit, and it means none of the nasty fighting over kids that sometimes happens in these things.

I have to confess feeling lonely the last few days. Even though she’s my ex, it was the last real connection I had to another human being that wasn’t blood-related. I am building a small circle of gaming friends again — finally! — but it’s just not the same. Not yet. I’ve long since lost the deeper connection I once had with my college friends, and trying to rebuild THOSE ties now would be problematic for obvious reasons.

So for now, it’s just me and (sometimes) my kids. And you, Internet. Much love to you! 

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