October 17, 2013

Listlessness and Dissatisfaction Arising From a Lack of Excitement

< Today’s secret word is ennui. You know what to do whenever anyone says the secret word, right? >

I am “on hold” this week. Everything in my life seems to be waiting for something.

My letter of reference from the therapist continues to excite me, but I don’t have it yet. My therapist is part of a gender services program, and every letter must be approved by the head of the program. It’s waiting for that approval (apparently she’s been out of the office). I had a good session with Nancy this week, as usual, but we talked almost exclusively about things that might happen after hormone therapy begins. Which is hasn’t, yet.

I’m also making a big purchase this week. I’m finally buying a decent used car. I’ve driven $1000 beaters since 2006, but I’ve decided to get a car made in THIS decade instead of the late 1990s. However, the seller isn’t happy with the bank loan rep, and the bank loan rep has only been at her desk one day this week, and I just can’t seem to get this thing settled.

I’m still working on this idea of moving my blog over to a WordPress.org installation, but I have had zero time to devote to it lately. Or to blog in general. So this blog feels like it’s somewhat on hold. 

Also, I have been floating around the same damn pound all week. The scale goes up a bit, then down a bit, then right back up the next day. Curse you, bathroom scale!

I dunno. It’s all just adding up to an ennui that I can’t seem to shake this week. I need some excitement. I need some progress. I need some resolution. I need some time to get things done.  

Ennui sucks.

Good job, everybody! >

Postscript: One thing I have accomplished this week is my first series of “daily theme” postings over at the Transgender Science blog. It’s “Voice Week” and I have had a lot of fun writing these entries. Take a look and let me know what you think.

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