September 15, 2013

The Weight Just Won’t Come Off


I spent a lot of time during my session with Nancy this week moaning about my weight. It just won’t come off.

Really, at this point, my gender dysphoria is focused like  laser around my belly fat. I know I don’t pass all that well, but I think I would at least feel a lot better about myself if I could get rid of this damn gut. Not only are women’s clothes not cut for a mannish frame, but they’re definitely not cut with belly fat in mind. In order to buy jeans that fir my waist, they have to be absolutely loose in the butt ad thighs. And I can’t really wear anything tucked in, as that shows off my gut for all to see.

It’s like I have the opposite of womanly curves. Women classically sport the “hourglass” while I’m built like a potato. I don’t even think I would mind weighing the same as I do now, if it were distributed as a woman carries it.

This week, I’ve gone back to counting calories again. I thought I was eating better, but maybe there’s calorie drift I’m just not seeing. I hate calorie counting — it’s really hard to do when you eat a lot of homemade meals — but desperate times and all that. I’m not going to make my September goal here, but I can at least try to set myself up for a more successful October.

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  • I understand the fight against fat distribution. Of course, for me, I want to get rid of my hips. I’m pretty sure that’s what is keeping me from passing 100% of the time. Plus, men’s jeans and shirts don’t fit right because they get caught up on the hips/butt region.

    I recently (5 days ago) started this Whole30 Program,, and I just stuff with my stuff with food three times a day, and my weight has been going down (though, the number isn’t really my concern) and also my hips have gone down in size by an inch. I haven’t been counting calories, but it’s not really an easy lifestyle to follow either. But, maybe if you cut out some of the foods in their “No” group, it might help some. I’m not trying to preach a Paleo lifestyle (I don’t even know if I want to do this 100% of the time), but it may be worth taking a look at.

  • I’m biologically female, and I have a gut. Genetics aren’t always kind. I also have broad shoulders and no ass.. it is extremely frustrating trying to find shirts that button and pants that fit.
    Add this to living overseas, and shipping is an anxiety attack waiting to happen..
    Good luck! I believe you can do this 🙂

    • Thanks! Yes, I’ve met several genetic women who complain as much as I do about clothing fit. I think part of the problem is that women’s clothes tend to be cut/shaped more, whereas men’s clothing is generally fairly generic/straight-lined. It’s all part of that enforcing of the “feminine ideal.”

  • I too have been trying to lose weight to look more fem. although I am still in the closet I am planning a whole month for ‘Stephanie’ in Jan 2014. In planning for this not only am I clearing my diary of work and daily commitments but planning to lose weight. Three stone if it! Being diabetic I have been struggling to keep my levels down so in June I went to see a an alternative specialist who suggested losing weight would help a great deal. I told him my line of work meant my eating and exercise plan was not always met and he suggested to ditch the diet and use the GI method to avoid too high an intake of carbs, get a pedometer and aim for two miles a day. It has been hard but I am so happy with the results. Three months in and my glucose readings are WELL down and easier to manage, my ability to cope with stress has improved but the best thing is that I have lost 24lbs so far, over half my goal and Stephanie is looking much more fem already. My plan is to reach my final weight by January so Stephanie’s month can be THE best. I will by then need a whole new wardrobe but with more practice on the make up and deportment side I do not see why Steph cannot leave the closet and venture outside a bit all be it far from home. My weight loss is a big factor in this and the thought of going out as Stephanie is an inscentive but you Ali have been an inspiration. Thank you so much for blogging your experiences and documenting your journey. I too now have a goal for Steph. It may not be as grand as a gaming convention but for me the feeling of wind in my hair, the real need for a purse and the sound of my shoes on concrete, oh my!

    • Thank you for the kind words, and for the link. I will have to look at what they offer. I know about Paleo-style diets but thus far have never given them too much thought.

      Good luck in your own adventure. I hope that month goes off flawlessly.

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