I spent a lot of time during my session with Nancy this week moaning about my weight. It just won’t come off.
Really, at this point, my gender dysphoria is focused like laser around my belly fat. I know I don’t pass all that well, but I think I would at least feel a lot better about myself if I could get rid of this damn gut. Not only are women’s clothes not cut for a mannish frame, but they’re definitely not cut with belly fat in mind. In order to buy jeans that fir my waist, they have to be absolutely loose in the butt ad thighs. And I can’t really wear anything tucked in, as that shows off my gut for all to see.
It’s like I have the opposite of womanly curves. Women classically sport the “hourglass” while I’m built like a potato. I don’t even think I would mind weighing the same as I do now, if it were distributed as a woman carries it.
This week, I’ve gone back to counting calories again. I thought I was eating better, but maybe there’s calorie drift I’m just not seeing. I hate calorie counting — it’s really hard to do when you eat a lot of homemade meals — but desperate times and all that. I’m not going to make my September goal here, but I can at least try to set myself up for a more successful October.