August 20, 2013

I Have a Cunning Plan

tumblr_m4c109wwKu1rw3ex7o1_400Last Tuesday was my monthly gender group, and I rode along with my friend Erica to the event. On the way home, our conversation turned to the weekend. You see, Erica and I are both gamers; and by gamers I mean tabletop RPG gamers, not video gamers; and by RPGs, I mean the biggest and bestest: Dungeons & Dragons. And this weekend, Erica was going to Gen Con, the biggest gamer geek event of the year.

I was insanely jealous. I have not been to Gen Con in eight years! Every year I tell myself I’m going to go again; but since losing my regular gaming group and taking a teaching job with mandatory summer sessions, I simply have not been able to make it happen. I told Erica as much, and she was gracious enough to let me grouse.

At one point, Erica suggested that, with proper planning, I could arrange things to go to Gen Con with her and her gaming group (which I have started playing in occasionally). With a year’s lead time, she noted, it should be doable! I agreed, and said that yes, I’d love to plan on attending next year.

And then she said, “There’s one more really important question to ask. Who will be going as?”

Honestly, the question came at me from out of left field. I hadn’t even considered it, one way or another. But the minute she asked it, I knew the answer. If I was going to attend Gen Con next year, I was going to go as me. I was going to go as Ali. 

And that’s when I came up with my cunning plan.

I am the kind of person who works better when I have goals, and  I work even better when those goals are realistically attainable. My therapist and I had talked previously about the possibility of my transitioning at work in September, 2014; but I’ve realized in the months since that conversation that it’s an unattainable goal. Transitioning at work is more or less the endpoint in my journey; it is literally the last thing I envision myself doing after everything else is in order — body, voice, legal name change, etc.

Attending Gen Con as Ali, though, is far more realistic and reachable. I don’t have to be perfectly presenting in order to attend. Gamers are a varied and openminded group. Being “read” isn’t a big deal there. I would still have to make a LOT of progress in my life to realistically pull this off; but it’s progress I want to make anyways. And I still have a year to go (Gen Con 2014 begins August 14th).

Of course, it wouldn’t be any fun if I didn’t blog about it. So, I’m going to make this goal something of a theme here on Ali Finds Her Self. I’ll detail that out in another post, though.

To be continued …

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