August 7, 2013

Moving On After Marriage

My ex and I were talking last night and it came out that she and her boyfriend had been taking about getting married. They’re not engaged yet — legally she’s still married to me, since the law in Michigan has the requirement that couples with children stay together for six months following the initial divorce filing (our filing was only completed in June). — but I guess they’ve been thinking long term. To the point where he’s even said he might be willing to help her get a loan to buy a new house so that she can move out of the house we shared.

He is, basically, her “sugar daddy.” I’m not being mean; she makes that joke. He fills her car with gas, he buys half her groceries, he’d probably buy her more if she’d let him. And my kids spend half the time at his house while their home — our former home — languishes. She doesn’t pick up or vacuum much anymore. She’s quickly attached herself to him and now he’s ready to help her completely break from her old life.

She has moved on so easily. I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t hurt. I have had a lot of trouble letting go, while she has been eager to move on. And she’s gotten her wish. She’s headed towards having the marriage, the life, that she wants.

An I jealous? Of course I am! Not of the fact that she has someone, specifically; but of how easy it was for her to move on. Of the two of us, she is the “normal” one. She doesn’t have the underlying pathology that I have, the barrier to finding a comfortable life post-divorce. She has friends, and local family, and a support structure that I just can’t lean on. And now she’s got him, the husband that I apparently never could be.

I look ahead at the next 12, 18, 24 months, and I don’t see a clear future for myself. She has the benefit of clarity. And I envy it.

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