I feel like I haven’t been blogging to my normal standards lately. It’s just that there’s not much to say at the moment. Quiet routine and long hours at work make Ali a dull girl.
This past weekend was typical of my weekends lately. I had the kids almost all of Saturday, playing old N64 games with my son and making bracelets with my daughters. On Sunday I finally got to slip back into Ali mode for the first time in over a week; did some grocery shopping and then stayed inside all afternoon, playing Minecraft in a wig.
One thing I did do while out shopping this weekend is buy a pair of sunglasses.
I know, not an earthshattering event. For me, though, it’s an interesting purchase because in Him mode I hate sunglasses. I’ve hated them for years. Generally, I haven’t liked anything on my face or head — glasses, hats, earmuffs, whatever. I never even liked the feel of hair touching my ears, which may be why I always kept it in a cropped cut.
I’d read somewhere on a website, though, that glasses / sunglasses could be useful for a crossdresser or transwoman trying to pass, as the glasses can obfuscate manly features when worn (sunken eyes, protruding brow). And I was shopping in Ali mode, saw the sunglasses rack, and got the urge. I can’t say it was because of that advice I read once; but I remembered it as I was trying on glasses. So I left the store with a new pair of shades.
This is emblematic of something I’ve noticed lately. I shop differently when I’m in Ali mode. For example, I’m almost positive Ali is a vegetarian. I’ve done all my grocery shopping lately in Ali mode, and I haven’t bought a lick of meat in the past three weeks except for some hot dogs to have when the kids came over. Instead, I’ve started buying tofu and Morningstar Farms fake burgers (the black bean burgers are actually really, really good). I justify this in my head by reminding myself that I’m trying to lose weight and meat is calorie-dense, but whatever the reason it’s what I buy and eat.
Now, weeknights, when I’m at the house and in Him mode, I eat the way I always have. Hamburgers? Yes, please. Deep fried chicken nuggets? With barbeque sauce! Order a pizza? Meat Lovers all the way.
I’m planning a cookout with the kids on July 4th, and because I’ll be in Him mode you can bet it’ll be brats and burgers on the grill. But when I was in the store Sunday I passed them up; if I’m buying brats, it’ll be in Him mode, some night after work.
I’m not complaining, mind you. A vegetarian diet is definitely a healthier way to go for me. I need to drop weight; and while I’ve lost about 25 pounds since February, I’ve actually been stalled for about three weeks now. Lots of stress eating! If it takes tofu and soy burgers to get myself healthier before taking the next medical steps in transition, so be it. It’s just weird to notice this in myself. Yes, sometimes transition really does feel like I’m going insane!