Relevant to some of my recent posts, is this article posted on Autostraddle today: Fat, Trans, and (Working On) Being Fine With It, by Mey. She writes:
I’m about six feet tall, I wear a women’s size 12 shoe, and a size 20 dress. So not only do I have to deal with the crippling dysphoria that comes from having a body that I often don’t even recognize as my own, I also have to deal with the cultural misogyny that tells me that a woman can’t be as big and fat as I am and still be desirable.
I’m in a similar boat — over 6″, women’s size 14 [and wide!] shoe, currently size 24 dress [or 26, depending on the styling]. So no surprise I found a lot of meaningful commentary in Mey’s piece. As such, I thought I’d share it with all of you.
We talked about this a bit in my first real therapy session with my gender specialist, Cecelia [actually her real first name, for once]. I bemoaned the fact that even if I transitioned I’d always be “a fat man in a dress,” and she warned me that if I ever did want to transition, I’d first have to stop calling myself “a fat man in a dress.” Then she tried to point out the positive qualities in my body, the ones that she said will work well if I transition: my hair, my skin, my hands (large but apparently not mannish). Which was nice to hear, I guess.
On a positive note: I have been to the fitness center every day this week. It’s usually only been for a half-hour on the treadmill, but that’s more than a mile a day that I wouldn’t have walked otherwise. And I just keep reminding myself that every step is a step closer …