February 27, 2013

Fits Me To A “T”

I recently picked up a book on Kindle about gender identity and transgender topics, because I’m sick to death of waiting for some kind of support group or gender therapist to actually, you know, come through and return a phone call or hold a meeting or something. And I read this passage, and I thought “Yup, nailed it.”

However it comes, there comes a time to heed the call to change. Something isn’t quite right, and you know it. You have been thrust into a fullblown identity crisis. You know things will never be the same again.

Like all identity crises, this creates a tremendous amount of anxiety and distress. It’s unsettling and disorienting to question something as basic as one’s gender. It shakes the foundation of your life, especially your relationship with others. Panic attacks are common, as well as insomnia, difficulty concentrating, and bouts of depression. You’ll be tempted to run away and hide again, burying yourself in work, or another relationship. It’s also tempting to try to resolve the crisis as quickly as possible, latching onto the first transgender identity that you find. This is especially true if you plug into an on-line transgender community, where there is often pressure to conform to a one-size-fits-all identity and show that you’re a “real” transsexual.

Well, it’s nice to know the last month or so hasn’t been just me being completely insane. At least the sleeplessness, anxiety, and complete inability to focus on my job are just quantifiable symptoms of my crisis in self. That’s comforting, in its own way.

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