Last night was … well, it felt like a big, important step. Telling her I crossdressed was hard enough; but admitting to her that I wanted to express myself openly? Dress feminine in front of her? In front of the kids? Expose the family to possible ridicule and hurt? I’m totally not comfortable today.I’m afraid I made a terrible mistake, but it’s one I can’t take back. I left for work before she woke up this morning, and I have no idea how I will feel tonight when I get home. It won’t be what it was yesterday. It can’t be.
It’s in my nature and training to relate to literature, and I find myself quoting random lines from a particular poem today. To get it out of my system, I thought I’d share it with you. This it what it feels like today; this is how I view the future.
THE SECOND COMING
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
— Wm. B. Yeats
What slouches, indeed? And I need to slouch, because I’m way to tall to be a woman.