I’ve started a more robust grooming regimen this week. While I have not yet come out to my wife, there are certain things I can do which are therapeutic for me and that I’m fairly certain she’ll not notice or think anything of even if she does. I’ve begun tending and shaping my nails, pumacing years of dry skin off of my feet, and even shaving a few of the more hidden parts of my body (chest and armpits). I do most of this in the early morning while everyone else is asleep, and then I do what little underdressing I’m currently able to do (basically knee highs under the work socks) and go about my day.
I’ve found that not only does getting ready in the morning take longer now — yes, the stereotypes are true about women and taking too long — but that I’m becoming paranoid about leaving clues behind that my wife will notice. Shaving in the shower? Make sure every trace of suds or hair is down the drain! Tending to my nails? Don’t leave the cuticle cream on the counter! Peppermint lotion on the feet? Get socks on right away, and wash that smell off your hands! Kicking your shoes off after work? Fight the reflex to pull the socks off, too, until you’re behind closed doors!
This extends to things like this blog, too. My online presence is lived largely through the Safari web browser, a browser that my wife doesn’t use, which I’ve installed on a laptop that my wife rarely uses. I try not to use our shared PC for surfing the web as Ariamythe, but when I do I also use a new install of Safari that’s tucked in a folder and I always wipe the History when I’m done. Everything else I do through my iPhone, which I always have with me.
It’s like my crossdressing has become a crime scene. Any trace of evidence may come back to convict me. Gotta hide everything. And so I become the Grissom of my secret, going all CSI on the place and wiping up any trace of what I’ve done.
I hate feeling like a crossdressing criminal, but it’s the only way I can crossdress at all right now. So I do what needs to be done.